Crazy Sad & Young #
Background #
I wrote this in 2013 about dealing with the remnants of a three year abusive relationship a year after leaving it. I’ve been considering making a video about what it’s been like to fight through the terrible fog connected to that situation and the things I believe about myself because of it. Maybe one day.
Until then, here’s a demo that pretty much word for word describes the fight I still have with myself weekly. It’s not his voice anymore, now it’s my own voice, but it’s saying things planted there by our relationship, and my mental illness.
DARK, whew, ok, have fun with this, y’all.
Lyrics #
How many songs must I write?
How many songs must I sing?
So I can sleep at night
So I can spread my wings
I tried to fly away
Tried to jump the ship
But you're still following me
You're still making sure I don't go much farther than this
I have to get the man I love
To repeat to me every day
That I am truly good enough
To merit not running away
You can't know how I hate myself
For letting you get in my head
But you're still there, you're making sure
I don't believe a word he said
I'm still crazy, sad, and young
And you're better in every sense
How many calls must I make?
How many times must I cry?
Before that beautiful mistake
Turns into gorgeous goodbye
Tried to leave the state
Tried skippin' town
But you're still in my face
You're still making sure it feels like you're always around
And looking over all I do
And telling me it's not enough
But I'm not even in love with you
And your opinion means so much
You can't know how I hate myself
For letting you get in my head
It's been over a year or so
I still believe the things you said
I am crazy, sad, and young
And you're better in every sense
I started telling them the truth
The girls you were with all those years
You said that it was me and you
And you confirmed all of my fears
What we built was made of fog
And I just could not see the light
The way you treated me was wrong
As much as you'd said it was right
Yes, I know all of this now
But I still cannot sleep at night