Better #

Background #

I’m leaking music out of my bones right now. I think it might be because I went off my Cymbalta; it was supposed to be helping my nerve pain but it just made me suicidal. I’ve rejected my fair share of SSRIs and I don’t know why I thought this would be different. Now, it’s “just” Flexeril, prescription strength aspirin, 2 hour epsom salt baths, crystals, EFT tapping (I’ve gone full hippie), BCAAs, strength training, and my dry herb vape. And Percocet if shit gets out of hand.

I’ve always gotten poetic when I was sad, but it isn’t until recently that I’ve started to be able to use that part of me to express other emotions. At some point, I started keeping my music at arm’s length. I’ve been through a lot of weird producer/manager/boyfriend/client relationships that promised a lot of things that didn’t happen or asked things of me I wasn’t ready to give. I’ve taken lessons but I didn’t go to school for music. I didn’t even go to college. I’m not related to anyone famous, nor do I come from money. I’ve just stumbled upon crazy opportunity after crazy opportunity and risked life and limb to make my life an adventure. I’m constantly waiting for Them to Figure Out I’m not really a Musician.

Right now, my equally reckless adventure partner is asleep next to me, having passed out due to my excellent lullaby skills. You can hear me playing for him on this weird Dropbox link, sorry, can’t upload direct to Patreon from my phone.

Thank you for making my life possible. This song is as much for all of you as it is for him. I really will be here forever keeping the lights on in Wonderland if I’m allowed.

Lyrics #