S01E20113 #

Lullaby Lounge: Songs Everyone Hates But You

Aired: 2020-04-22

Listen. I’m overwhelming you with information that doesn’t matter to you, which is sort of my M.O. You know, listen, I pitch a lot of elevators, Fred. I pitch a lot of elevators. Listen, I’m throwin’ elevators left and right in this bitch. How do you think I take you from Streamland to Dreamland if I’m not throwin’ some elevators? Listen. Ya gotta throw some elevators. I just expect everyone’s brain to race violently at the same speed that mine does. And I’m realizing as I get older… Maybe the brains aren’t racing so violently. I’m realizing this because people tell me that the things I say are strange, or that I go too fast, or that I’m… being whatever I’m being. Insert fuckin’ adjective here that’s another reason for me to hate myself. Basically, I try not to listen to it. But… Because I’m just tired. I’m tired of having to try and fit myself into other people’s bullshit. The reason I created this space was specifically because I didn’t fit into other people’s bullshit and I had to make my own goddamn party because god knows I’m not gettin’ invited to anyone else’s. Because why would they? I understand. I’m a lot of person. That’s why I’m grateful that you’re here. Cause you’re like, “You see that? That girl who’s a lot? Me too, bud.” It’s nice to know that there’re other people who’s brains are racing at a violent speed.

Basically, if y’all weren’t here every week, hangin’ out with me in the Lullaby Lounge, then I wouldn’t be the one… I wouldn’t be doing it. Because there’d be no one to perform to. I don’t play music just for myself. I know that probably seems selfish. Um. I… But I play music to be heard. I play music to feel reflected, to feel, um, understood! I play it– I play music because… To people. For people to hear! I produce it and perform it and promote it because the feeling of being understood when a song is played will forever trump the feeling of being understood when I’m speaking. There will never be– I cannot speak honestly. I feel that. Like, I feel like I cannot express enough… of what’s hapenning in just words and intonation and language. Music is an undeniable thing. Notes, put in a certain order, we’ve been trained from birth, essentially, by cinema, to understand certain keys and sounds as certain feelings. And when you add that language, that vocabulary of sound, of notes, and melody, you add that language on top of lyrics. That, to me, is the most pure and honest form of communication, because you can’t deny that a song is happy or sad. Obviously, like, yes, you could change the arrangement or the chords, and you could make certain melodies sound different, but when you hear (Kate vocalizes the opening to Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony), you know that’s scary. And… you know, things like that. I don’t know if that makes sense. Some of you seem to understand. Holly always gets it. I know Holly gets it, because she’s been here for ten years.
Can you fucking believe that? Holly has been a part of the Kate-riarchy– and Ellie too! Have been a part of the Kate-riarchy for ten years! Ten years! The fact that you would give a shit about what I’m doing ten years after you discover it… I mean. It’s because of you that I can no longer deny that I’m good at what I do. Because… If I was awful and an awful person and I didn’t deserve anything good then incredible people like Ellie and Holly wouldn’t want to spend so much of their time with me. I don’t think I can express how much the Secret Agent Faerie Expert Team is a part of what’s happening. Though they don’t appear on screen, they are consulted for decisions about graphics, they’re consulted for setlists, they’re consulted for, um… They’re obviously trusted moderators. They are… Um. They help me figure out the tone of things I’m writing, they sometimes will hear songs first, or… You know, there’s… They contribute more than I can possibly explain. Um. Again, I realize I say that a lot, but it’s because the words don’t say enough. When I say it’s more than I can say, it’s because the only way I know how to express myself completely and totally truly is with music. And when I say, “Oh, this means more than I can express,” what I’m trying to say– How many times have I said say? What I’m trying to convey is that without music I feel unheard. And the more people hear what I sing and what I say, and the more people understand and see me as a person who is has expressed themselves in this way effectively… That’s what is the most important to me, I think. That’s what I care about above all things.

He’s like Dolly Parton. I say that completely unironically. But he has Dolly Parton energy. Lil Nas X absolutely has Dolly Parton energy. Cause people underestimated Dolly too.

Setlist #

• All Star - Smash Mouth
• Bring Me to Life - Evanescence
• Stop - Spice Girls
• Wonderwall - Oasis
• Old Town Road - Lil Nas X
• Barbie Girl - Aqua
• How You Remind Me - Nickelback
• Sex and Candy - Marcy Playground
• Norma Jean - Kate Nyx
• Time Warp - Richard O’Brien, Tim Curry, Patricia Quinn, Nell Campbell (from The Rocky Horror Picture Show)